3. FORGIVENESS FOR TOXIC BEHAVIORS
No partner is perfect. At some point, your partner will slip up and wrong you. But if their immediate reaction when you call them out on the problem is to deflect blame or make excuses, you’re in trouble. A partner like this might say things like:
- I didn’t mean to do it! Can’t you just forget it, already?
- Come on, it’s not a big deal. Let it go.
- You made me do this!
In these cases, they may be asking you to forgive and overlook actions like:
- Violence
- Unwarranted outbursts
- Cheating
- Invasions of personal privacy
- Violation of boundaries
Should you hold a grudge forever? No, of course not; you have to either move forward in the relationship or decide to break up. It’s not fair to hold a mistake against someone forever.
But, at the same time, you should not feel forced or guilt-tripped into forgiving and forgetting too quickly – and you definitely shouldn’t be asked to overlook toxicity. Instead, work together to overcome the problem with positive thinking.
4. TO BE IN THE MIDDLE
You’re not your partner’s errand-servant. You’re not there to solve their problems on your own so they can avoid them. If a partner continuously asks you to take on a middleman role, tread carefully. Here are a couple of situations where you might find yourself in the middle.
A) PICKING SIDES
A partner may get into a disagreement with someone you know and force you to pick a side. While you will likely support your partner because of your loyalty to them, the choice should still be up to you in the end and you shouldn’t be pressured into agreeing with them.
B) PASSING MESSAGES
Does your partner ask you to help them communicate with their friends or family members? Are you constantly asked to be the one to pass messages to others on their behalf, so they don’t have to face the consequences? This simply isn’t fair on you.
C) CHOOSING THEM
A toxic partner will say something like: “It’s either me or them!” In essence, they try to force you to choose either something/someone you care for very much or your relationship. This is a form of blackmail and cannot be looked upon in any positive way.
5. QUITTING OR CHANGING YOUR JOB
Some partners may feel insecure about the fact that you earn more or similar to them. Conversely, if you earn less than them, they may think negatively of you for not earning enough. Either way, these are toxic thoughts to have – and when acted on, they are especially damaging.
