It’s okay to pick a topic out of the air that feels quite random and unrelated to the other things you’ve been talking about. For example, you could ask, ‘do you like musicals?’ or ‘have you tried this brand of cough sweet?’ or ‘what drink do you normally get from a coffee shop?’. Random topics are actually a good thing because the other person probably hasn’t chatted about that thing before, or very often, so it will be a refreshing and interesting conversation for you both.

Don’t be afraid of asking ‘silly’ questions

Most questions are not actually silly at all – they just help you to go into more detail on a topic. For example, in a recent video call, a friend told me she was knitting a scarf. The question ‘what colour is it?’ came into my head so I went ahead and asked it. At the time, it felt like a silly and simplistic question to me, but it actually shows that I was taking an interest in what my friend was saying, and wanting to know more detail.

Don’t be afraid to admit a lack of knowledge

If your friend is telling you about something that you don’t know much about or don’t understand, you don’t have to nod along and pretend you know what they are talking about. That will only kill the conversation as you won’t have anything to say. It’s okay to admit you don’t know about the topic and ask them to explain it to you. That will keep the conversation going and you will learn something new!

Don’t second guess yourself

Sometimes when I am having a conversation with someone, I’ll think of something to say, but I take too long deciding whether it’s a good thing to say or not. Obviously, it’s important to have a filter and make sure that what you say is appropriate. But in general, if you think of a question or comment, even if it seems a bit silly, go for it and say it rather than weighing it up in your mind and second-guessing yourself. Otherwise, the moment will pass and you’ll miss the opportunity.

Be present in the moment

Focus on the other person and listen to what they are saying, and also focus on your surroundings. Don’t think about what might happen later or your worries about the future. Just be present in the conversation.

If you are on a video call, it’s helpful to remove your own face from the corner of the screen, if the settings allow you to do so. This helps you to focus more easily on the other person, rather than on yourself and how you look.

Be a good listener

I think that listening is a skill that takes practice, but anyone can be a good listener. The key is letting go and not being attached to the things you want to say. Focus wholeheartedly on what the other person is saying, and respond when they finish, even if they have gone onto another topic by then. You will probably think of things to say while they are talking, but don’t interrupt them. If you try to hold on to and remember everything you wanted to say, then you won’t be able to concentrate on what the other person is saying because you’ll just be waiting for a gap so that you can say your bit before you forget.

Be open to forgetting some of the things you wanted to say. The conversation will flow better that way because you will be truly listening to the other person and responding directly to what they say. The conversation will move forward naturally instead of keeping on cycling back round to previous topics. Topics will naturally come back around later so you will have future opportunities to say the things you thought of.

Inevitably, the other person will sometimes interrupt you while you are talking. I think the best thing to do is to listen to them and go along with their interruption, even if you didn’t finish what you were saying. Let go of it – you are bound to have another opportunity to finish what you were saying later or in the future.

Take an interest in what the other person is saying

As well as listening properly, take an interest in what they are saying, especially when it’s something they are enthusiastic about. Ask them questions about the things they are telling you. Even if you are not overly interested in the topic, ask questions on aspects of it that you find the most interesting. By showing interest and asking questions you will keep the conversation flowing, as well as making the other person feel good.

It’s okay to be vulnerable